So many people wander through life from connection to connection, feeling lost amidst the short term relationships they enter. Feeling so empowered, so connected and so ‘they are my person’ at the beginning, only to find themselves confused a matter or months or even weeks later.
But there are also those who spend years in these connections where they are feeling lost. I have always believed that we could, if we so wished, file relationships into three categories.
The first category being lust. Come on, we have all been there! It’s physical, it fires us up, it leaves us hungry. Eyes meeting across the room and bam. We find ourselves doing things we never thought we would to get the next fix, the next high. I don’t think I need to add any diagrams today to explain this one.
The third one is love. That love that grows within us. Which holds us together like glue, through thick and thin. Our safe place to fall, our best friend, our partner in crime as we make our way through this ever changing world. Where we love deeply and with passion, but most importantly with connection and because of this, we love ‘our person’ more with every day that passes. There is love, respect, fun, happiness, support and strength all coming together from both sides of the table.
But in between these two styles of relationship, I believe there is another and I affectionately call it lost. A relationship that so many of our relationships actually are or were, if we would only be honest with ourselves. We believe we are in love, the connection is so strong and powerful but what we are experiencing is lost. Our hearts so want us to feel love that we decide that this must be what love is. This must be real. In truth though, it is lust. But lust, with that little bit more. For we can spend years in the connection, yearning to get it back to how it was when we first met. A relationship that may go through all the motions and experiences that we are led to believe are key steps to being together, but in truth it is going no where. Just two people lost, believing that this must be what love is.
As the two people, two souls disconnect, one will always see it as a failing and push and push to hold on to the connection, giving their all, overinvesting and losing themselves in the process. With the risk of becoming obsessive, possessive, needy and always feeling like something is wrong.
We feel we have invested so much, we love them and it would be wrong to walk away, even if it means staying miserable in what has become an empty loveless, lifestyle. So we lose our self that little bit more.
How would you describe your relationship? Are you in lust, love or simply lost?